What a reflective question for this point in my life.

Today I found myself crying and physically drained because I've convinced myself that I'm not deserving of the love my boyfriend gives me. I don't know why I think this but it seems that a history of failed relationships has left me insecure about love. I feel terrible for these thoughts but when they approach my body and life seem to shut down. But if you find me on any other day where I have not only accepted love but have spread it to the world, my body is more capable than any and finds that it does not tire from any or all activities.

I suppose in this way, my mind and body are connected. I feel as though they depend on each other. Sometimes one can manage to pick the other up but there are days, sadly as today, where when one fails the other goes down like a team.

I wrote in my QandR about my unfortunate life uncertainty. Maybe if I focus on the good not only will it help me, but perhaps someone will read my words and find their own inspiration.

Within the past 5 months, I have realized that my friend was so much more than that. We are now in a relationship and in truth, I believe with my whole heart that he is my soul mate. This is a terrifying and yet invigorating thought for a person my age to have. I'm only 20 (almost 21! that is exciting in itself) but to look at someone and think that perhaps you have the ultimate connection with them is inspiring.

For a while I was convinced that soulmates didn't exist. I fear that at some point I was convinced even souls didn't exist. But I guess you just need to find that one person to reawake the sleeping part inside you. My friends ask me how I managed to find him. Well, he was there all along. He was my friend for two years before I even realized the potential in him. But perhaps that just connects back to my idea of awakening someone. If the parts of us that are connected were asleep, than clearly we could not have noticed the connection before.